Animal lives can be saved simply by making compassionate choices on a daily basis, but for many, taking the leap into a cruelty-free lifestyle can be scary.

By Maya Gottfried, author of Vegan Love: Dating and Partnering for the Cruelty-Free Gal

For those new to a vegan lifestyle, there are many questions: what will I eat on planes? Where will I find non-leather shoes? What about the holidays?  

In reality, the truth is simply that when we set our minds to living a life that excludes cruelty to animals, everything else tends to fall into place.

Yet one of the hardest situations can be romantic relationships. When to tell that new love-interest about your food requirements? Are you ok with them being an omnivore?

It may not seem straightforward, so here are five rules to make life easier.

Don’t try to change the person you’re dating 

We come to veganism on our own (unless we have been raised vegan from birth). Even if others have influenced us with their knowledge, it was a spark inside of us that brought us to a cruelty-free lifestyle.

Have faith that the person you care for has the potential to arrive at veganism, too. Rather than trying to “convert” them, show them by example how happy and healthy you are living a compassionate lifestyle.

Embrace opportunities to gently deliver information about veganism to them. If they ask you a question about your veganism, share your experience with love, not antagonism. When they express interest in learning more, offer them a book, or documentary that helped inspire you to go vegan.

Bake them delicious vegan cookies. Take them to your favorite plant-based restaurant. All of these things may help them to discover that same spark within themselves.

Stay open to the possibilities, but respect your own feelings

In writing my book Vegan Love: Dating and Partnering for the Cruelty-Free Gal I interviewed more than 30 vegans and some of their partners. Many who dated omnivores found that those meat-eaters moved in a vegan direction while they were involved with them.

Simply by being their positive vegan selves, these open-minded vegan daters inspired others to decrease the cruelty in their diets and lifestyles. Vegans who date omnivores could very well help decrease the cruelty in the world, as the vegan love spreads.  

However, some vegans will find it unbearable to witness their partner consuming an animal. Or will simply not be able to tolerate kissing a person who has just sipped cow’s milk in their coffee. For those of us who find it painful, it’s fine to only date other vegans.

Honesty is your best policy

I’ve interviewed dozens of people about dating as a vegan but heard only one really terrible date story. The woman was not criticized for her veganism by a partner, but suffered because she undermined her own vegan voice.

On a first date, she didn’t want to share that she was vegan for fear of being deemed high maintenance. So her date ordered food for them to share, which was heavy with animal products. She sat in painful silence, not able to eat, worried that if she explained she would push her potential partner away.

There’s no reason to suffer this way. Myself and other vegans I’ve interviewed have found that when we are proud, happy, kind vegans, others are drawn to us.

When I was dating, I was open to omnivores, vegetarians, and vegans alike. I made it clear from the start that I was vegan, but didn’t make a big deal out of it. When a date asked a question about veganism I kindly delivered the information they were seeking.

Not one person I went out with disparaged me for being vegan. On the contrary, they were curious and respectful.

Don’t worry, be happy

It’s a simple idea but so true. We, as humans, have a tendency to create crises around things that are not real problems.

If we worry about our veganism being problematic in a relationship it is more likely to be a problem.

When we are at peace and proud of our compassionate lifestyle, expecting to be respected for our commitment, we discover it is not a problem, but a gift.

Apologizing for being vegan means we ourselves are framing it as a negative. But as animal loving vegans we know that what we are doing is saving lives. That is nothing to be ashamed of.

Spread vegan love

As vegans out in the world, we are ambassadors for the movement. Every interaction we have with a non-vegan is an opportunity to demonstrate to them that we are interested in spreading love.

At a restaurant, if we are kind and helpful when ordering our food, the restaurant staff may feel better when the next vegan walks in. It may even inspire them to go vegan themselves.

If we perpetuate the idea of an angry vegan, it will most likely push people away from veganism. The same holds true in our romantic relationships, even when we are simply corresponding with someone on an internet dating website.

If we are respectful and kind, the vegan love spreads, whether we are interacting with someone once, or end up diving into a relationship with them. It is always best to show other people compassion, in addition to the animals.

Vegan Love: Dating and Partnering for the Cruelty-Free Gal is available for purchase on Amazon (US & UK), B&N, Indiebound, and Target.

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